waiting.

I've been silent on here for so long.  I think I just keep processing all that is going on but never find the time to actually type it out here. 

The wait is something we anticipated.  We knew, starting our adoption, that waiting would be a part of the process.  What I didn't know was just how long the wait would be and just how emotional I would be through it.  

We were logged into China (which means we were eligible to be matched with a child through our agency) in March.  We anticipated waiting two to four months to get a referral.  Two months came and went.  Four months came and went.  And we were still waiting.  Then six months.  Then seven.

We are just so excited for this little one to be a part of our family!  We have been referring to him/her as China Baby.  It's been sweet because we talk often, like multiple times a day, about China Baby.  Our boys are always asking about what time it is in China, devouring any books they find about China, and they pray for China Baby at every single meal, every bedtime and any other time they pray.  In fact if one of the boys forgets, Worth always yells "DON'T FOR-DIT TIINA BEBE".  The question we answer most frequently (other than "can I have a snack?") is "when is China Baby going to be here?".  The way this process has united all our hearts in waiting for our newest addition has really be a sweet thing for our family.

It all sounds sweet and precious and, don't get me wrong, it has been.  However,  it's not been without big emotions on my end.  I have been in this place of longing and hoping and praying for what seems like forever.  I've cried more tears than I can count and prayed harder than ever and fallen asleep with China Baby on my mind every.single.night.  I just can't wait to have our child home.  Although China Baby is already a part of our family, I am so ready for them to physically be here, with us.  There have been ups and downs of potential matches and watching other families get referred and watching friends go to get their kids.  It's been tough.  We were hoping our sweet China Baby would be home by July or August.  It's October.  

But you know what I know?  

I know that God is faithful.  

I can hang my hat on His faithfulness.  Throughout all this waiting, we've known that God's hand is in every part of this process.  That He knows which child is ours and that all of the parts of the process that have moved more quickly or slowly are all for a purpose.  We KNOW that to be true.  We fully trust the God that has called us to this.  

He is sovereign, He is in every detail.  He has not forgotten us.  He has not forgotten China Baby.  As I stand in worship every Sunday tears stream down my cheeks and I sing with every ounce of my being that God is faithful and it is there that I realize, as crazy as it sounds that it hurts so good.  

I am truly aware in these moments that God is faithful.  I know it to be true.  So, in the midst of the heart-wrenching waiting, I must still claim that He is faithful.  

He has put the call on our lives to bring our baby home from China and He has put the faith in us necessary to trust Him when our feet are to the fire.  And, as I wait, I know my heart is growing a bigger and bigger hole that is the shape of our China Baby.  Just waiting to be filled when God says it's time.