project 52.44


scary.



In the past month I have come across two different articles that talked about raising brave boys.  Both spoke straight to my heart.   One referred to so many of the "heros" of the Bible.  The brave souls that were willing to step up and say, "Here I am, Lord".  To be used by God to do scary things.  The author mentioned something I've never really thought about.  

All of these boys had mamas.  

I know God can use anyone, regardless of how they were raised or what their personalities are. But, the point was that these boys were raised by mamas (and daddies) who influenced their lives.  
How am I influencing y'alls lives?

My goal is that you both will become men that are willing to be used by God to do whatever He has called you to do.  Even if it's uncomfortable.  Even if you might fail once or twice.  Even if it's scary.

But, as your mama, that requires two things from me:

1.  That I am brave.  I must set the example.  I must show you what it looks like to trust God fully.  Stepping outside of my comfort zone to do what He has called me to do.  Even if it seems crazy.  And even if it's going to make me give up things I don't want to give up.  I want you to grow up with that being your normal.  Seeing your parents listening intently to what God is asking them to do and immediately doing what He asks.

2.  It also requires me to let go of fear.  In the weeks following your birth I remember praying specifically that if God wanted to use you in Kenya one day (or any other place for that matter) that I would be excited for you.  That I would be willing to let go.  Not holding you back from what God is calling you to do.  I prayed that.  Very specifically.  On multiple occasions.  But, as time has gone on, I have realized it is becoming harder and harder to imagine you coming home one day and telling me you're moving halfway across the world because it is where God has called you to be.  But, I am committed.  To letting go of that fear.  And being excited for you.  For what God is going to do through you.

So, now, here it is in writing.  For you to hang over my head in eighteen years :)  
No, but really, I am so so excited to see what God has in store for both of your lives.  I can't wait to see how He uses you to do incredible things.  I will do my best to be an example of a brave disciple of Jesus and I will pray daily that God will give me the ability to release you into His care.  Knowing that He can take better care of you than I will ever be able to.

project 52.43




unexplainable.




It's strange what happens when you became a mama.  It's like you become this person you never knew you were.  My mama used to do things that I couldn't even understand.  Like staying up all night making Easter outfits and cleaning up puke without flinching.  And here I am.  Doing just that.  

We been sick around here again this week.  Tate, you woke up in the middle of the night a couple days ago and I came into the nursery to give you a paci.  When you wouldn't take it, I picked up up to rock you.  As soon as I picked you up, you puked all over me.  Then, today, I walked in after nap time and Crews, you were picked up and taken straight to the tub.  Throw up was all over your crib.  

And really, it's just what you do once you become a mama.  You don't think twice about it.  You immediately pull that sick baby out of their crib and allow them to nestle into you.  Even when it's stinky or dirty.  You want to care for them with every ounce of your being.  You want them to feel loved and cared for.  Safe and comfortable.  

I read a blog post today and at one point the author said:
"I laid down me to make more of you and it wasn’t a sacrifice but the unexpected grace of motherhood"
And that's just it.  

I don't force myself to be this way.  I don't even make the choice not to mind throw up and losing sleep (which if you know anything about me, you know sleep is precious in my eyes).  

It's just who I am now.  It's the unexpected grace of motherhood.  And I am oh, so thankful that I can experience life this way.

project 52.42


saturated.


Lately my days have been filled to the brim.
With joy.  With laughter.  With love. 

I am so incredibly blessed to be your mama.  And I want to soak in every single one of these days.  Last night you were exhausted, Tate.  And Crews, you were giggly.  We went into your nursery for your bedtime routine and it was my most favorite part of yesterday.  It was exactly what I envisioned my life to be like as a mama.  You both nursed and then Crews, you climbed up in Daddy's lap for prayers.  Tate, you slowly gave in to your exhaustion in my arms.  Crews, you giggled throughout the entire prayer while poking Daddy in the face.  And Tate, you slowly sank your little body into my arms and began to breathe deeply.  

After prayers we continued to linger in your room.  It was as if both of us realized that these moments are fleeting.  I want to hold tight these moments where I can feel what I was created to be.  Where I can fully soak it in and recognize just how incredibly blessed I am.